I watched a video the other day. It was a plot synopsis of the Two Kinds web comic, and it's implications on transgender culture and community. I thought nothing of it at first, but it made me think, as the person in the video started talking about Natani.
Natani is a wolf ... person in this comic, that is born with a female body, but over the run of the comic comes to terms more and more with his identity as a man. At the same time, this character is the first, and also only, fictional character I would say I ever had a crush on.
Now I extend this thought over all the media that peaked my interest in the past. A movie called Nimona about a girl that struggles with the stigma of being different in her body, the Youtuber Chipflake that transistioned not that long ago, the furry artist Reservoirdog (aka Lakehounds) that predominently makes transformation and transgender content.
Something about their stories intrigues me. Even my ex boyfriend mentioned that they wanna transition, and the idea really intrigued me too. And no, I myself feel very comfortable in my male body, but something about that "gender euphoria" that trans people get to experience intrigues me quiet a lot. I guess I am happy for them and love to see people be happy and themselves in their bodies ^w^
Making friends is a difficult thing nowadays, espescially with the Internet keeping people more and more at home and away from each other. Yes, it is possible to make friendships online, but the really meaningful ones are made in real life. Those also fade away way less than online firends, that you maybe didn't even see once in real life at all, or don't even know how they look.
I made some good friends recently by complete comincidence and fittingly Mark Manson released the video about adult friendships on his channel as well. And I want to share his wisdom on here as well:
Friendship = Proximity x (Frequency + Duration) x (Interests + Emotions + History)
And this basically means, to build a friendship, you need to be close to somebody, see them frequently and share interests or a common history or something else that conencts you. This is done easier when you frequently meet at a place for a hobby, like a arcade or a basketball court or a bar.
It's weird, I was excited to write on here. I was excited to share my thoughts. To have an outlet where I could throw everything into that I could come up with. But then suddenly, nothing.
It sat around for a few days, a few weeks, but then a spark egnited again. A little one, just enough to be noticed, but something that you would need to foster so it could burn. And that is exactly what I am trying to do now. Give it a little blow of life, so it may roar in the future.
Expose your back to the drizzle. The drops hitting randomly, like life鈥榮 events.
But then you can go back home and rest in your safe place.
What do I have to lose?
That is the idea I want to base my decision making around in the future. In th past I was more focussed on the gained value. On what my actions will get me. On what value will be created of what I do. But I realized that way of thinking is kinda backwards, espescially in a private context.
In hobby projects there is rarely something to gain. They are there to entertain, to keep busy, to feel good, to do something that is valuable to yourself, but not necessarily valuable in general.
I will try to see the time that I don't use to try something or do something I think is fun as lost time. Instead of seeing the time that I used for trying new things and failed as lost time. (I hope that makes sense)
I broke up with my partner of 3 years recently. And it kinda makes me thnk. Did I do the right thing? I am I better off? Or did I make a mistake?
What I learned, I love to overthink things. From the obvious planning everything into every detail to the relationship, what could I do to please them or make the whole thing better. But espescially in relationships this can be tiring. because when you come home you want to have a relaxing, recharging experience, and your partner needs to be part of that. Everything else just works you down.
Home is a place to recharge, rethink, reset and not a place for even more work.
Trauma can paralyse you. That is what I learned recently.
When there is trauma in your past, you may act reactively and defensively. Living to survive rather than improvement or contentment. Defending yourself from all kinds of harms that could come to you.
This can show as deppression and also anxiety, but hampers life as a growing experience, because you can't act on it, you only react.
Be careful in what you put into your body. Just ... generally.
No reason, not that I would have drank something bad like a highly concentrated chlorine-dioxid mix. No, who would do that. Nah, not me. (I am fine btw, it dissolved in a lot of water without harm)
But seriously, nutrition is basically what keeps us going, and if you put bad fuel in, then you can't expect the machine to work flawlessly. Be mindful.
Control is a improtant thing for humans. When they don't have control, they get anxious. And one of the biggest anxiety-inducing things is painful things. We can't control if they hurt or not, but we can control what pains we actually want to introduce ourselves.
Choose your pain, choose your struggle.
This helps to have some reason to the important pains, and experiencing them makes the uncontrolled pains less painful overall. It's a win-win.
Would it be a dumb idea to get into game developement and start a project for the sole purpose of creating a game that is made for myself?
Not for the entertainment of somebody else, but just for myself. On the face of it it seems a bit a waste of time, but maybe that is just the motivation I need.
Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work.
~ Chuck Close
It means that Motivation is not the cause of action, it is the result. You want to be motivated? Get up and go do something.
What would this task look like if it was fun?
~ Ali Abdaal
I love the idea of having fun at work, enjoying what you do and getting a better result out of it. Human brains are build to hunt the enjoyable, how about we use that to go about our day in pursuit of our goals instead of another meaningless dopamin shot.
Why is it so easy to make things complicated, but so complicated to make things easy?
In today's world we have no idle time. Humans evolved into having those idle times for the brain to process things, like the 2 hour hike after a hunt back to the camp, or the crafting activities of building a home or crafting rope. Those idle times don't exist anymore in modern times for many people. We need to make time for them.
Meditation is one of the strongest tools we have as humans. Replanish your mental energy just by sitting still and doing nothing.
You can tolerate a great deal of suffering, if it has meaning.
~ Shadowheart, Baldur's Gate 3